The Journey to Becoming a Present Father

I was 35 when I first became a father. By that age, I thought I had life pretty well figured out. I had a career, I owned a home, and achieved many of the goals I had set for myself in my younger years. From the outside looking in, it seemed like I had done everything “right.” I had avoided some of the struggles my parents faced when they had me much younger. But what I couldn’t see at the time was how deeply my habits, perspectives, and priorities—honed over decades—were out of alignment with what it really meant to be a present and engaged father.

Now, at 41, I’ve come to realize just how much growth was still ahead of me when I first held my daughters in my arms. As life has unfolded, I’ve been shaped and humbled in ways I could have never anticipated. The truth is, becoming a father later in life did offer many benefits. I had more stability, more experience, and more patience than I would have had at a younger age. But I also brought with me years of ingrained habits, ways of thinking, and old priorities that didn’t always align with the needs of my family.

For years, I believed that being a father was primarily about providing—making sure the bills were paid, and the future was secure. I had this image in my head of what a man was supposed to be: strong, independent, and, at times, a little distant. I saw emotional engagement as secondary to fulfilling responsibilities, and in many ways, I replicated the patterns I experienced growing up. But fatherhood has a way of flipping the script on you, and my daughters slowly began to teach me a new language—a language of presence, vulnerability, and connection that I had never fully spoken before.

Over the past five years, I’ve felt a shift—gradual at first, then more profound—as I learned what it truly means to be a “girl dad.” It’s not just a title. It’s a transformation. Raising daughters has opened my eyes in ways I never expected. It’s shown me the importance of nurturing relationships, not just with my girls, but also with my wife—the most significant woman in my life. I’ve come to understand that fatherhood isn’t just about providing; it’s about showing up, emotionally and mentally, day in and day out. It’s about breaking down old habits of self-centeredness and becoming attuned to the needs of those who depend on me.

Perhaps the most surprising part of this journey has been how much my daughters have changed my view of the world—particularly my perspective on women. Growing up, I thought I knew everything there was to know. But seeing life through their eyes, watching them grow, face challenges, and navigate their own experiences, has reshaped me from the inside out. There’s a softness, a compassion, and a sense of responsibility that has grown in me. My relationship with the women in my life has deepened, becoming more tender, more respectful, and more understanding.

I look at the three ladies in my life now—my wife and two daughters—and I realize what a profound blessing it is to be surrounded by them. They’ve molded me into a different man. I’m not the person I was five years ago. In fact, I’m a shadow of who I used to be, but in the best way possible. The person I was—driven by my own needs, my own pursuits—has faded, and in his place stands a man who understands the value of presence, the importance of connection, and the beauty of being fully involved in the lives of his loved ones.

I’m proud to be a girl dad. The journey hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been the most rewarding and transformative experience of my life. Fatherhood has taught me more about love, patience, and humility than I ever thought possible. And as I continue to grow, I realize that my priorities are finally in a place where they can nurture the relationships that matter most. What a gift that is—to be able to say, without hesitation, that I’m exactly where I need to be, surrounded by the people who make me want to be the best version of myself.

It’s not about who I was or what I’ve done in the past. It’s about who I’m becoming now, and for that, I am forever grateful.