Upgrading Fatherhood: A Perspective Shift
Meeting expectations, even seemingly unattainable ones, is possible if you’re focused on what it truly takes to get there. Over the past five years as a father, I haven’t been as present or engaged as I should have been. I allowed my familiar habits to dictate how I showed up at home, falling into a pattern that mirrored what I saw growing up. I thought dads were supposed to have time to isolate, unwind, and pursue their hobbies—often alone. It was what I experienced, my “programming,” you might say, and I replicated it perfectly. I assumed that being a provider somehow excused me from fully tuning into the family dynamics. I thought being emotionally absent was just part of being a father. You can imagine my wife’s frustration.
Needless to say, I’ve learned that’s not the case.
To be the best father I can be, I’ve come to realize that I need to carve out space for that role to truly exist. For so long, my mind was consumed by long-term creative goals that I obsessed over daily. These pursuits allowed me to afford a home I never imagined I’d own and helped shape my adult identity. But they also kept me from being fully present with my wife and kids.
Here’s my dilemma: It’s as though I’m still running on Windows XP in 2024! There’s a reference that shows my age, but it’s an accurate analogy.
I’ve come to view fatherhood the same way—I needed an upgrade. Now, I’m running on iOS 18, a massive improvement. Think about it: trying to use a 20-year-old computer for tasks we demand of our smartphones today would be impossible. It would simply do what it was programmed to do, leaving you disappointed with the results. That’s been my experience with fatherhood. I was following old programming, unaware of how limiting it was.
But just like I don’t carry around a 23-year-old desktop computer in my pocket, I’m now committed to updating my life and beliefs to match my current world—and my wife’s perspective. It’s a significant shift, a much-needed upgrade.
Last night, we drove 2.5 hours to watch our nephew quarterback his high school team. It hit me how quickly time passes; he’s in his senior year now. I remember buying him his first cleats and watching him play his first game at age five—it feels like yesterday. That moment brought everything into perspective. My own kids are growing up fast, and I want to be as present as possible to enjoy every moment.
There are ways I need to be there for my children that I haven’t even discovered yet. But I will keep learning and evolving into the father they deserve. By doing so, I’ll meet my wife’s highest expectations and, most importantly, live a life that has meaning beyond just providing. This new role may be challenging, but it’s the most important one I’ll ever have.
This is the perspective shift I’m undergoing.
